


Life, Interrupted.

by AnotherLostSoul



Series: With or Without you [4]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Guilt, Judgement, Light is a Dick, M/M, Poor L
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:30:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherLostSoul/pseuds/AnotherLostSoul
Summary: Light faces up to those he has wronged and receives his punishment from his father, while L finally realizes why he fell in love with Light in the first place.





	Life, Interrupted.

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing, and I hope the people who are reading this enjoy it. If you do and would like me to continue, then please leave a comment- too many readers of fanfiction just read and offer no feedback- support the community of writers and GIVE FEEDBACK to them! Thank you (PSA DONE)  
> ~ALS~

 The conference room was empty, as L had predicted. Light tried to clutch onto his hand but L refused him. It was time for Light to face up to what he had done, not a time for comfort. All going well, he could provide that afterward. “You’ll be staying, right?” Light asked softly, his eyes betraying an anxious expression as L moved away from him. “Of course, I will be here” L replied quietly, his eyes fixed on his feet as he crouched in a chair in his usual fashion. After a few moments, he dropped his feet to the floor and tipped his head back. He seemed exhausted. “I suppose I should explain the whole purpose of this meeting. You can’t lie, Light. You will explain your actions and ideology to your father and two of the first _*innocent*_ people you killed. If you attempt to lie or even distort the truth in any way we will know. It is tiring, putting a block on you that prevents you from lying, so I hope you will answer their questions without too much delay” Light scowled. Trust L to use his superiority to ban him from being able to lie. If L wasn’t looking so frail and exhausted Light would have accused him of having a boner over the power he exerted over him. ‘Tch. That’s childish’ Light shook his head at his own thoughts. He was here to face the people he had wronged, at a personal and physical cost to L. L was giving him a chance at redemption, and he was acting like a spoilt brat. He had lost. He needed to accept the fact his dream of Kira was based on delusion from the very beginning. He needed to swallow down the bile and accept his fucking *pride* had been shot to dust. ‘I lost. L won. L and Near… I wish I could stop feeling so bitter about it’

 

“Light Yagami, you can sit down in that chair and face me” Naomi, still dressed in her uniform of black leather and looking extremely likely to punch him in the face, gestured to a spare chair. Light didn’t bother to argue and sat down. He saw the anger and hatred flash in her dark eyes and drew in a deep breath. This was not going to be pretty. “When I first met you was your first instinct to kill me?” Naomi began, her flint hued eyes pinned to him sharply. Light understood at once why L had deemed her an exceptional agent. She just had this presence about her. He’d felt it back then too, it was the main reason he wanted to get rid of her.

“Yes” Light admitted with no real inflection in his tone.

“Why?”

“You were a threat. I couldn’t have you contacting L, you had already deduced too much. I… believe your skills would have caused problems for me, and since you had already pre-established connections with L from working with him before I knew the only solution was to kill you” Naomi actually smiled at his answer, but it was a grim smile that spoke of bitter amusement rather than true happiness.

“Poor little Kira was threatened so he took the easy way out? You _*are*_ a complete and utter **child** aren’t you, Yagami?” L nodded his head at Naomi. Light was not lying, and her statement had hit the nail on the head. Perhaps Light would even admit it to himself with time? “Yes, I’m starting to see that” Light felt his jaw tense in irritation and forced himself to relax. Getting riled up now wouldn’t do him any favours, and L had asked for him to be direct.

“You made a mistake in killing my fiancé. Raye was actually going to clear you of suspicion the day you killed him. Your little stunt on the bus had convinced him you weren’t Kira. But then you tracked him down and manipulated him into killing our friends and co-workers. Did you feel proud of that?”

“Yes”

“Do you feel proud of your actions _*now?*_ ”

Light sighed. Fuck. How was he going to answer this truthfully? “I don’t know. I suppose part of me does, because I loved the chase and getting one over on L and the others who were trying to stop me… but I also feel sorry and ashamed for what I did too. I stole your futures away from you, and it wasn’t until very recently that I learnt what that felt like. It’s devastating to have a life so full of promise ripped away so suddenly. I understand what that feels like now.”

“Ah, your sweet little sister?” Naomi’s eyes seemed to soften a little “Yes, that was a great tragedy. Almost as tragic as finding out I was with child when you killed me. Yes, I was only 4 weeks pregnant but a new life was growing inside me when you ordered me to my death. You robbed my child of their future, and you robbed Raye and I of our chance at happiness. We were to be married only a few weeks after you killed Raye. When he died you had already succeeded in killing me as well, but I suppose you just had to make sure you completed the job, hmm?”

L’s mouth was hanging open. He had _*no*_ idea Naomi had been pregnant at the time of her death. But then, her body had never been recovered so no autopsy or medical files had been available to access. L found himself deeply troubled by the thought of the baby that had once been in Naomi’s body. It had been Kira’s youngest victim…

“I…” Light turned devastated eyes to L, and cringed when he saw how _*horrified*_ L looked.

“You.” Naomi smiled bitterly “Killed my child. Ruined my life. Killed the one I loved and then killed me. Now, answer me this: Why on **EARTH** should I recommend your soul to pass on to the spirit realm?”

For the first time in his life (and afterlife) Light found he didn’t have a convincing argument. How could he defend himself? If he was in Naomi Misora’s position he would gladly damn the guilty soul to Mu. How could he ask for forgiveness when he knew he didn’t deserve any to begin with?

“You shouldn’t forgive me” Light finally admitted “And I don’t expect you to consider sparing me either. The only thing I could argue is that I love L, and the thought of spending an eternity without him sickens me”

Naomi cast a glance at L over her shoulder. L stared back at her, his eyes open to her gaze. He concealed nothing from her. As she stared into the dark depths, she felt compassion well inside her. If she damned Light Yagami out of spite she would be damning L as well. L loved Light, despite everything he had done… She tore her eyes away from L and drew in a deep breath. Her anger had melted away a little now, and she was filled with resigned sadness. Damning Kira to Mu would not return all that was lost. Kira had caused nothing but pain and suffering and if she did not break the cycle the suffering would continue.

“I do not forgive you, nor will I ever be able to. What you have done… it is beyond forgiveness” Light braced himself as she carefully chose her next words. Would he at least be able to see L before he was banished to Mu? “However, I do not condemn you to Mu. L loves you, and I know firsthand the agony he will feel when he loses you. I will not put my friend through such pain. If L believes you are capable of redemption, I will put my faith in _*him*_ not in _*you*_ and if by some miracle you do redeem yourself enough to enter the spirit realm, I advise you to NEVER speak to me or Raye again”

Light nodded, genuinely shocked at her decision. It seemed her feelings for L were stronger than her desire for revenge. That was surprising, vengeance had always been the best motivator (or so Light had thought) but it seemed love was perhaps even stronger.

“Thank you, Naomi” L bowed his head “If Light does pass on, I will ensure he will never bother you again”

“Good. But you? Don’t be a stranger” Naomi stood and straightened her jacket “Okay?”

“Yes” L smiled tiredly “I will visit you in your lovely home, I promise” Naomi allowed herself a small smile and gently squeezed L’s shoulder as she walked past him to stand next to her fiancé. Raye held her close, but his eyes were fixed on Light.

“Penbar-San?” L asked, gesturing to the vacant seat opposite Light. Again, Light felt his muscles tense as he braced himself for the onslaught. By all rights it was perfectly acceptable for Raye to storm over to him and smash his face in. He wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway. Instead of storming over and smashing his face in, Raye calmly walked over to the seat and sat down. His Icey eyes remained locked on Light’s face.

“There isn’t much more that I can say than what Naomi has already said to you, Yagami. You ruined our lives. You interrupted our happiness, but we have found it again. You didn’t win, even when we died. We will be together for eternity, and you will always suffer with the knowledge of what you did and how you _*lost*_ yes, that will eat away at you. For L’s sake I too spare you eternal damnation in Mu. It is… difficult for me to say it… you killed my **child** too young to even know if I was to be a father to a son or a dau…” His shoulders slumped and he heaved out a sob. At once, Naomi was at his side.

“Hush, my love. There is no point in torturing yourself with that. Let that sorrow rest on _*his*_ shoulders, where it belongs” Light shut his eyes at the venom in her voice. He thought he could actually feel his shoulders slump a little as her words pushed guilt down upon them.

“Yes…” Raye wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat gruffly, clearly unused to showing such emotion. He stood and turned his back on Light. “L… I have always respected you greatly, and I know people have no control over whom they fall in love with I just wish… I just wish you didn’t have to love him”

L smiled bitterly “Sometimes, so do I, Penbar-San” Light felt like he’d been punched in the gut. L’s words rang through his head as he struggled to draw in breath. L regretted loving him?

“You look surprised, Light” L fixed his somber eyes on Light’s hurt expression “Surely you must realize how tormenting it is for me to be in love with the one who killed me? The one who killed thousands of people and proclaimed himself to be a god? You think I just love you because of your looks or your intelligence like all those simpering girls you had around you? Looks and intelligence fade, Light, look where your gifts got you: bleeding out in an empty warehouse. I love you and I don’t understand _*why*_ and it tears me up inside. Sometimes I truly wish I didn’t love you, maybe then I wouldn’t feel so guilty all the damn time!”

Light swallowed the lump in his throat. He had never even considered how L felt. He had just assumed L had fallen in love with him because of his looks and intelligence just like all the rest. It was another heart-wrenchingly *stupid* and *childish* belief of his. Of course, L wasn’t like the others. That was what had attracted him to L in the first place. L was in an entirely different league from the simpering girls and moon-eyed boys who had professed their ‘love’ to him.

L rolled his eyes as he saw the revelation play out across Light’s pretty face. “Oh, Light” L shook his head “I thought you knew me better than that” “I’m sorry…after everything I was just so shocked to discover you loved me… I didn’t even think to question why you did”

“Because you are such an entitled child” Naomi huffed “Honestly, I can’t see what L sees in you. He could do *so* much better than you…” L squeezed his eyes shut as he thought how similar Naomi sounded to Mello. It seemed the ones he cared for would never fully understand why he fell in love with Light. If he was to make them understand he would have to know himself, and right now, all he really knew was how sweet and caring Light had once been. How selfless and determined he had been in perusing Kira and bringing him to justice. He found himself smiling as he remembered how Light had hesitantly asked him for a hug at bedtimes. That nightly hug had become a ritual until it had evolved into arms and legs wrapped around each other, innocent closeness as they both slept cuddled together. L had been certain Light was going to confess his feelings for him at one point, their heads had been close and Light had leaned forward and then- And then Misa had interrupted with the news Higuichi was Kira. And then the chase and the helicopter ride… and then… Light’s scream as he held the Death Note in his hands once again. L ***knew*** the second Light touched the notebook he had lost him. He had lost the caring, innocent boy who had somehow unfroze his heart… He knew then, and his eyes flew open. He fell in love with Light when he was NOT Kira.

“L? What’s wrong?” Naomi gazed down at him in concern. L looked as if he had seen a ghost, which was rich considering they were all spirits. “I… I remembered when I fell in love with Light and why…” L’s eyes darted to Souichirou Yagami, who had been sitting silently in the corner of the room until now.

“I fell in love with Light when he was not Kira. When he had given up the Death Note. I have torn myself apart wondering how I could have fallen in love with Kira but the answer is laughably simple. I didn’t fall in love with Kira. I fell in love with Light”

Light wished for the thousandth time he had never asked to see the notebook in that helicopter. If he hadn’t, his plans wouldn’t have come back together. He could have continued to be the person L loved. Perhaps they would both still be alive? “I don’t want these memories! As long as I remember who I am and what I’ve done how are you supposed to love me, L? you love a ghost!”

L chewed on his finger. A ghost? Not exactly. The side of Light he had fallen for was always within him, perhaps it remained still. But it was obliterated by Kira’s delusions and lust for power.

“I… understand” Naomi bent and pressed a soft kiss to L’s cheek “And I am very sorry for you. Please, remember to come and visit us soon. Raye and I will take our leave now. Yagami-san has been waiting patiently to speak to his son and our presence here is draining your energy” L nodded and bid farewell to Naomi and Raye. Neither looked back at Light as they clasped hands and faded from the room.

L cleared his throat. He felt unbalanced, his recent revelations concerning his feelings for Light and when they had started needed to be pondered over and time was not something he currently had much of. He had only been given 10 days to make his decision. He was already on day three. “L…” Light frowned as he saw L rise to his feet. “I will leave you to speak with your son privately, Yagami-San. You deserve the opportunity to have the open and honest discussion with him you were denied in life. I will take a walk around the orphanage, please summon me when you are ready”

Souichirou, who had been so still and silent Light had nearly forgotten he was there, stood and stretched out a hand to L. L took it with a faint blush on his cheeks as Souichirou pumped his hand up and down in a firm grasp. “Thank you, L, for allowing me to speak to him alone. And thank you for the opportunity you have given him. I just hope he is smart enough to understand the importance of it, because he is far less intelligent than he _*thinks*_ he is…”

L bowed his head before walking out of the room. He heard Light’s panicked ‘L!’ but ignored it. Light needed to face his father alone, and he had some thinking to do. Light slumped down in his seat as L vanished from sight. It hurt, seeing L walk away from him. It hurt even more now he had finally realized why L was helping him in the first place. L was trying to save the boy he had once loved; the person Light had been before Kira had taken over and corrupted every aspect of his life. Was he even the same person anymore? Was L in love with someone who didn’t even exist or could he be that person for L once again? He wished with all his heart he could just FORGET everything but L.

“Son…” Light looked up into his father’s haggard face and knew why he looked so devastated now. His wife… his daughter… “Dad! I am ***so sorry*** I never expected them to… to do what they did!”

“You never expected a great many things, Light” Souichirou sighed. He sat down in front of his son and just looked at him. It seemed like he was seeing him for the first time. Without the glaze of the perfect student and honorable son, Light was tarnished in his eyes. Light was someone he struggled to understand.

“I know! I know that! What do they say about hindsight? If I had known what I do now I would _*never*_ have picked up the Death Note. I’ve ruined lives! I’ve hurt the people I care about!”

Souichirou did not move to comfort his son as tears trickled from his eyes. Light needed to cry and all the tears in the world would not be enough to wash away the damage he had caused.

“It is too late to say such things now. Your mother… she is in the spirit realm, but she is restless. She cannot be at peace while you are on trial. Your sister… ha, you would hardly recognize her anymore. Her joy is gone. She doesn’t smile. She lingers in the vain hope her brother will redeem himself. The pain you have caused our family is immeasurable, but I will endeavor to teach you as any father should. I cannot forgive you for what you have done to my family. I cannot forgive you allowing me to die believing you were innocent. You took L’s role and rallied the team together, and all along you were dancing on his grave…” Souichirou turned his head away in disgust, but tears were gathering in his eyes. He would have to teach his son a lesson, and it would be painful for both of them. L had understood. It was why he had left. He did not want to see Light before it happened.

“Dad! Please! I’m so sorry! I didn’t want you to know the truth, I didn’t want to cause you anymore pain as you were dying!” It was a half-truth and they both knew it.

“Yet you wanted me to write Mello’s name down” Souichirou laughed hollowly “As I lay dying you were already planning ahead, Light. Those aren’t the actions of the boy I raised. The boy I thought I knew. But…” Souichirou leaned forward and placed both hands on Light’s shoulders “He is still there, he is still there fighting to come out. I can see him in you. All isn’t lost, that is why L is trying to save you.”

“How can I return to the way I was?” Light asked brokenly, his father’s hands becoming an unbearable weight upon his shoulders.

“You are to suffer, my son, suffer and remember who you were before.” Light felt his stomach drop at the look in his father’s eyes.

L still hadn’t returned. Would he ever see him again? “Dad…?”

“For your sister… for my wife, for me and for L… I sentence you to endure 4 days of torment in Mu. L will collect you when your time is served… I hope I will see you soon after” Souichirou stood and Light reached out for him, his voice cracking in desperation. “No! Dad! You can’t-”

“4 days for 4 lives destroyed, Light. It is still in your power to prevent four days turning into an eternity” Light sobbed as his father pulled away from him and faded before his eyes. Feeling shatteringly alone, Light felt the ***pull*** inside himself and submitted to it. The familiar sensation of travelling between dimensions wracked his bones and he concentrated on taking deep breaths to calm his stomach. He wished he had L’s hand to hold onto. When he opened his eyes again the only thing he saw was white. Endless white...

He was in Mu.


End file.
